Spring Break Days 3 thru today...

I never knew how much I could miss some people!  I had great big plans for my week home alone.  Garage cleaning, finally hanging my 80 lb heavy bag, yard work, house cleaning (i do my phukin share!), etc, etc, etc... What I ended up doing was going out to eat every fuckin nite, eating too fuckin much, drinkin too fuckin much and not gettin enough fuckin done around here.  I overslept every damn day, ended up with half the kitchen at my computer desk, resulting in me carrying a large black yard trash bag around removing all traces of my sloppy assed ways before the family gets back.

One problem was that I received a new ipod that I won on ebay. (won on ebay? I paid for that shit!) It is an 80gb video model that I got for 71 bucks and it has over 9000 songs on it.  I have been playin with that fucker for 4 damned days now!

I am also lazy and figured I deserved a Spring Break as much as the next guy! And I got one. I still have the bottle of rum and tequila to prove it...

Drive faster, Cupcake!  Your hubber misses you! (I'm gettin laid tonite!)

Spring Break, Day 2

The wife and kids arrived at their destination safe and sound.  That being said, they need to come home NOW!  Bring your phukin asses home where they belong.  I miss my big girls cocky smile.  I miss my lil girl kickin me in the back all night.  I miss my wife's sexy ass...ways. I need them...

I mean, I am drinkin too much and not getting shit done.  I crumble without my sweet girls.

Me and the dog are NOT gettin along.  I need a dog whisperer.  One that doesnt charge money, because I am not paying for that stupid shit,  If it costs me 20 bucks, the fuckin dog can continue to hate my fat ass. Anyway, she doesnt want me anywhere near her, and it takes an act of Congress to get her to go outside and take a dump.  WTF. I mean, you have to take a dump eventually.  She hasnt touched food in two days, so I put some beef in there tonight and I hope she takes the hint.  Momma aint home, dog, get over it!

Spring Break, Day 1

Got up before 4:30am, or was it 5:30am? (muthaphukin daylight savings shit!) and packed up my wife and two lovely children so that they could drive to Florida to visit a Grandparent!  I had pneumonia a month or so ago, and used up all my available time off (muthaphukin corporate rules!) so I do not get to go on this adventure.  I have lots of plans and things to do while they are gone, but here it is, DAY 1, and between the weather and the internet, I simply could not get motivated.  Did some yard work, and cleaned up and went shopping to get my weeks worth of bachelor food and ended up picking up a sackful of these pre mixed, pre frozen margaritas.  Well, after a few tacos, I had managed to consume 4 of these big old bastards!  The first 2 were to help me sleep tonight, since I dont do that so well without my wife next to me.  The second 2 was because they tasted so fucking awesome after floating an extra shot of tequila on top of each one.  Either way, once I climb in bed, I should sleep ok.

I miss my family!  But at least the dog has gone outside to pee twice today without me getting bit....

I hope I live until the end of the week!

cats and other things that throw up in your house

WTF is it with cats, dogs and pets in general?  They must do some heavy partying while the humans are away during the day, because as soon as you hit the door in the evening, the dog rushes outside to relieve herself.  The cat just sits there, curled up and lookin miserable, but as soon as you step further in the house, you notice that small, furry package that has been horked up right in your favorite chair. Cats are just plain nasty. They lick themselves for hours until they get a big assed hair ball that they have to spit up.  What animal does that?

Tomorrow I am going to draw a line on all the bottles in the bar to mark their levels.  I'm thinking the dog is drinking the vodka, and the cat has been hitting the tequila.....

Now THIS is a fuckin holiday!

February 22 is National Margarita Day...and I celebrated in my usual fashion.  I drank the shit outta some 'ritas!  I mixed 'em up my own lil' self, in the shaker by the bar in my kitchen.  2 ounces of tequila, 2 ounces of triple sec, 4 ounces of Uncle Dicks Dirty Dawg margarita mix and a few dollops of lime juice.  And I will finish the day by getting happy with the wife as soon as it is bedtime.  God I love holidays!

How did you and yours celebrate the day?

crazy fuckin kids...

What is it about kids, especially the young ones, that make them want to climb up in your bed with you at night? When she was just a baby, I thought it was sweet when she slept with us in the bed.  10 cute fingers and toes squirming around all night, and she smelled so sweet.  Now...she's almost 5 yrs old!  You have a room! With more toys than me! Go to bed there!  Get out of my bed, I want to spoon (or fork) my wife! I do not appreciate your smallish, cold feet working there way down into my underwear all night. Now you drool...and snore! Yes, its a cute little girl snore, but a snore nonetheless!  We bought you a bed...go to it! I want my bed back!  Its a very comfortable bed...a Heavenly bed! We copied it from the Westin hotels and it is soooo soft and comfy.  I miss having more than a sliver of it.  I sleep on the last 5 1/2 inches of the bed.  My wife gets her half, devil-child gets 2/3's of my half...and I get the last sliver of mattress all to my self. No wonder I stay up on the computer until 1am...

Dads who drink and cuss...

Shit.  Damn.  Hell.  And of course, fuck.  Yes, I say those words.  Sometimes in anger, sometimes in fun.  Sometimes just because i like the power behind the words.  Cussing can be fucking hilarious.  It can also be fuckin serious.  Regardless, as an adult male of my species, I am allowed to say whatever the hell I want, as long as I am not in the position of offending old women or providing small children with a new vocabulary. I grew up in a house with constant cussing and yelling.  It taught me what not to say, but it also taught me the correct way to cuss.  I learned 47 different ways to use the word "fuck".  None of them were acceptable at my elementary school.  But on the playground, I was a god.  My 14 yr old cusses.  Not to us, but with her friends.  She hates it when we use curse words, but she has no qualms about throwing a WTF out there on FaceBook.

I also drink...socially, and I am nowhere near as social as I wanna be!  I enjoy a good margarita.  Rum makes me happy.  Vodka and whatever is a good substitute for a tall glass of water.  A cold beer with a burger or pizza has been known to hit the spot.  Hell yeah!  I enjoy my adulthood rights!

I am just an average, everyday, normal guy.  And if people dont like that, they can go to hell, and stick their self righteous ideals up their asses.  Like Popeye...I am what I am.